I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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