Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
