Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
