Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
