i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
