no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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