btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
