so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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