I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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