i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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