i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
