I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
