Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
