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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
