we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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