it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
