Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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