Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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