I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
