Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
