All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
