Kiss
Puke
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
