I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
