I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
