...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
