And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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