i wish my penis had a tongue
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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