u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how do flat chested girls get laid?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
