the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
