Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
