Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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