hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
