You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
