Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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