My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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