Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
