tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
