from now on my penis is your penis
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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