If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
