come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you win again, gameday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
