I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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