Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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