I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
