Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize