I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
so much tequila, so little girl.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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