I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
