Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your dad touched me again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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