i will never coherently bang her
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize