I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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