he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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