in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
