Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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