super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
