Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
