my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
