Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
