I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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