Just cropdusted the office
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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