i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize