the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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