The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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