Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize