Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
