If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
