you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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