I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
