I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
These tits shall not be calmed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize