he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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