We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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