Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
