my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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