I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
